Author: Aaron Buttery

It is truly a privilege to serve the incarcerated population in the local jails of San Diego. A jail is the first place an individual is placed when they commit a crime; here, they may wait for a period of one to five years until they are sentenced and transferred to a state prison.

Time in jail differs from time spent in prison because, while in custody at a county jail, an individual faces the uncertainty of the future since he has not been sentenced yet. During this period, feelings of fear, anxiety, loneliness, and depression often take hold. But when doing time in prison, he already knows what to expect and he starts programming as soon as he arrives in prison. The anxiety levels are lower, but loneliness, depression and thoughts of suicide are always on the rise. 

During my time serving as a volunteer Chaplain in three different jails here in San Diego, I have seen desperate men asking for prayer because they are unable to contact their loved ones or are experiencing fear after receiving notice of their sentence. Some are simply too young to cope with the anxiety of being locked up for many years.

Deep in their hearts, inmates know that there is an Almighty God who cares for them. That is why the first thing many ask for when placed in custody is a Bible. It is important for them to continue practicing their religion and to attend the Bible studies provided in the jails.

As I was doing my rounds in the infirmary last week, I was able to pray for a 72-year-old male. He was feeling very lonely and depressed because his family is in New York and he cannot communicate with them. I was moved to compassion to see him crying as he explained his situation. I prayed for him and gave him some Christian literature; he seemed to be more at peace when I left his cell.

On Delta Yard, there’s a new face, Gio! He’s not new to brokenness, though. For years, addiction consumed him. He lived in that world, surrounded by people who sold and used drugs, who traded in despair. But something’s changed. He’s emerging from addiction, choosing a new way.

During a discovery Bible study, when asked, “Who will you share this story with?” Gio didn’t hesitate. His answer wasn’t safe or sanitized. He said, “I’ve got three drug dealers I want to share this story with.” Most men would have avoided that. Some in the yard had even been praying that God would remove the drug dealers altogether, that fire would fall from heaven and wipe out the problem. But Gio? He didn’t see enemies. He saw men who needed hope. Instead of praying for them to go away, he saw himself sent toward them.

That’s the essence of disciple making. We stop cursing the darkness and start carrying light into it. Gio knew exactly who needed to hear the Word of God, and he was ready to go.

And here’s the stunning part: Gio is brand new to this. He hasn’t been sitting in these circles for years. He doesn’t have polished theology. What he does have is courage and obedience. And sometimes, that’s all God needs.

This is how movements spread. Not through experts, but through ordinary men and women who decide to take risks of obedience. Gio’s vision wasn’t to share with a safe audience, it was to bring the gospel straight into the heart of the problem, to the very people others wanted removed.

Imagine what happens when those who once fueled addiction start leading discovery groups. Imagine what happens when the ones prayed against become the ones who pray with. That’s the kind of redemptive reversal that only the gospel can produce.

I was the Kairos leader of #115, back a number of years ago, 7 years, I think. We were doing introductions of everybody, team and candidates. This one candidate gets up, and announces his name, “Dubs”, and then proceeds to say:” I hate Christians! I hate Christianity!!  If I knew this was a Christian program, I wouldn’t  have come! But now that I’m here, I’m going to disrupt your program, and eat all your food!!! Actually, I’d seen worse, and I wasn’t so bothered by him for some reason. The program went on, and he was a little belligerent from time to time, the rest of Thursday. Friday rolls around, and then program is going fairly well for the most part. As we came to the end of the day, around 5:00, we discovered we had screwed up, with the schedule, and we had skipped a whole section, and we could not go back!! We couldn’t go forward, as that would mess up the schedule for the next day. And we couldn’t send them back to their cells, as count hasn’t cleared!! Someone suggested I get up and do my testimony, it’s a pretty good God story, but I didn’t want to make Kairos about me. But it was either that or sing for the next hour, and nobody wanted to do that!! So, I get up to the mic, and start telling my story. Dubs was at the back table, and right in the middle of my speaking, he yelled out something, and interrupted me. I am an ex con. I still demand the respect of other convicts, and I’m not going to let you get away with disrespecting me!! I stopped right there, and stepped up and said: “What did you say?!” Silence! I moved closer, and asked again: “What did you say?” Still moving closer to him, I could see his head hanging down, his legs trembling, and he muttered to me: “What do I have to do?” I asked him if he wanted to accept Jesus as his Savior, and he said again: “What do I have to do?” I reached out and grabbed his hand, lifted him up. His legs should not have been able to hold him, they were shaking so bad!! I led him to the center of the room, shared with him a few things, and then asked him to repeat after me, a saving prayer. The room was void of a single sound, other than Dub’s voice,(and maybe a few thousand angels wings!) As this high priest of the Odinist cult, voice trembling, knees shaking, bowed his knee to the Lord of Lords!! He got done, and just grabbed me, (he was a big guy!) , and just started balling his eyes out, on my shoulder! The back of my shirt was soaked with his tears, the front of my shirt, was soaked with mine!! The room was stone silent, and this went on for a few minutes! Then everybody applauded as we pried Dubs off of me, and one of the pastors, took him around the corner to talk with him about what had just happened to him. It was the most amazing thing I have seen in a long time!!!  He is now one of the pillars in the chapel, over on the Echo yard, and I have adapted him, as my son, He and I are linked forever, thru the most amazing moment I can ever recall at a Kairos event. And people ask why I go to the prison! I go for the miracles!!!

Phillip was the leader of a local San Diego gang. And he was a killer. He had the number “187” tattooed on his neck, which is the penal code section for murder in California. On the outside, he was feared by all, even by his own gang members. He knew he was a target, and learned how to sleep with one eye open while holding a loaded gun.

Phillip was talked into attending a 4 day, 7 hours a day “Kairos” event inside R.J. Donovan State Prison, California. The Kairos “outside team” is comprised of non-denominational Clergy, Pastors to Prison Yard Pastors, and lay Christians (about 45 in all). Phillip had never been inside a prison chapel but heard that during Kairos weekends there would be home cooked food and lots of home baked cookies, so he signed up along with 35 other prisoners. During the event, Phillip didn’t pay much attention to the talks or Homilies, didn’t participate in the table discussions, , didn’t sing when all others were, and didn’t hang with anyone during the breaks. He was a loner.

Although Phillip never said a word, something was happening to him.

On the evening before the last day of the Kairos event, the prisoners were allowed to voluntarily get up in front of everybody, take a hold of the microphone, to answer these 3 questions:

1) What was your condition when you arrived at Kairos?

2) What did you find at Kairos?

3) What will you be taking away?

After most of the guys had got up and answered the questions, to everybody’s surprise Phillip stood up, walked up to the front, grabbed the microphone and told us this story, with tears in his eyes.

He was beaten by his father almost every day of his young life as long as he could remember, before he ran away. He never cried, even when he was 4 years old he was defiant, not giving his father the satisfaction of seeing tears.

One day when he was 7, Phillip found a stray puppy, alone and hungry. Phillip brought him home. He said it was the first time he loved anything, and the first time ever felt he was loved. One day his father found him doing something he didn’t like, and this time instead of beating him, he strangled his puppy while Phillip watched. Phillip said that was the last time he ever cried, until now.

“What was my condition when I arrived? I was sad, alone, empty, wondering why I was even alive. I should just kill myself”

“What did I find here? I found God, I found Jesus. I’m not sure what it all means, or where I’ll go with it, but it’s a real good feeling and I know I want more of it

“What am I taking away? I think I’m taking away a whole new life, maybe even a happy one, maybe even have friends. I’m going to read the Bible and learn more. I don’t believe that I can be forgiven for all the bad stuff I’ve done, but if it’s true that Jesus forgives, maybe I will believe it.

Phillip then sat down while everyone was standing, cheering and clapping.